My own Intervention
by Aidan1
Summary: Isn't life grand?


Darkness fell over Sunnydale. Really dark darkness. Buffy knew that she must hunt, but she was tired, and so she did not. She went to go see her lover. But that isn't important.  
  
"Oz, come down and get breakfast!" Willow called from the Summer's kitchen.  
  
"Coming down," Oz said as he slid down the banister, "God I love you, Willow." He kissed her passionately, his musk enscenting her every olfactory gland nerve part.  
  
"And I love Jesus. Thank him for helping us through it all." Willow embraced her longtime boyfriend in a kiss again. They had stayed together for so long, only separating for a month when an evil demon had tried to seduce her to homosexuality, but was defeated by Buffy, and the demon girl demon had told Willow to go back to Oz. Now she was happy, and Christian. Who needed witchcraft or Judaism when Jesus was on her side. The group's side. A knock on the front door introduced Xander, but who could it be?  
  
"Let me in, let me in, by the unshaved hair on my little chinny-chin- chin."  
  
"Come on in Xander, we're just egg-making and smooching." Xander walked through the back door and into the kitchen, his slim figure still with him after years since graduating high school and going to college with the gang at Sunnydale U. Willow and Oz kissed, and Xander sighed.  
  
"What's the matter there, buddy?" Oz inquired earnestly, as he always did, being the youthful voice of reason, his spikey orange hair bouncing light off the light of the sunlight.  
  
"Oh, just wish I had a love like yours. All I have is Cordelia." At his announcement Cordelia Chase entered the house, her long, brown locks traipsing behind her flowingly. She was twenty-one, pretty, a bombshell for sure, and in love with Xander.  
  
"Hey, most men would kill for all that is Cordelia," she mused, "in fact, some have." She smiled and kissed Xander, who also kissed her. Their lips touched.  
  
"So, how is everyone?" Giles waltzed into the room, looking incredibly dashing, moreso than usually, which is hard because he's dashing. And to outdash oneself is very hard. But he did it. Giles outdashed himself.  
  
"Wow, now you're looking dashing," Willow remarked. "You have outdashed yourself." At this remark Oz punched her arm in a jockular way, as he always did when nervous.  
  
"Hey, baby, I thought I was your one and only monkey with pants?" Willow giggled gigglingly, and turned her face to his.  
  
"I'm allowed to look at other guys, but I'm not, so I'll just sit here with you. Ooo, look how pretty Cordelia is." As Willow pointed, Giles slapped her hand hard enough to knock it into the countertop, breaking a Shop-Rite 25 cent ring she was wearing.  
  
"Willow! You like only men guys! Remember that!" Willow flinched back.  
  
"I was pointing out Cordelia for Oz, in a completely non-gay way. He- he should be able to look at the pretty people, right?" Willow whimpered.  
  
"Right then, sorry about that. Listen, I have to go stock books, as that is what I do. As someone who works with books. Have a wonderful day, and remember, I stock books." And in a second the dashing British man dashed away.  
  
"Its so happy being happy." Xander mused again.  
  
"Well duh, what do you want? Inner turmoil and unpredictable and dynamic changes? Please, that just isn't right. We're perfect the way we are and have been since the first semester of our senior year in high school." Cordelia told the truth, and everyone knew it. Because she told it. The truth is what she told. Truth, truth, truth. Bitch.  
  
"Well now," Willow smirked as she smirked with Oz smirkingly, "how about we push that date to Graduation, where, um…" Willow searched for the words, and Oz cut in, knowing exactly what to say at every moment.  
  
"The monkey tossed his pants." Willow looked shocked, but her mouth was soon covered by Oz's. They made out once more on the kitchen counter, and Cordelia and Xander made out while standing up in the kitchen, and their hot kisses warmed the air around them with the aroma of young, perfect love. Love that is impossible to achieve, except for them.  
  
Meanwhile, Buffy meanwhile walked determinedely toward her lover's place. Longing for his touch, wishing for his kiss, desperate for his love, craving his body next to hers, pining for his words, yearning for things that are normally yearned for. She busted down the door, revealing her lover. "I'm here." She said, pulling her sun-kissed blond locks back behind her lithe shoulders. Her pulse quickened, sweat glistened off her body giving a in a vanilla scent to the air, her fingers trembled, her chest heaved. "I'm here, Riley."  
  
  
  
Ok, now Aidan aka Poly, heaved. "What now?" He walked into the room, pushing past the big lug, and confronting Buffy.  
  
"What? Who are you- are you a demon- are you some lesbian demon come to take me too?" Poly looked at her quizzically, then bopped her over the head with a rolled up newspaper.  
  
"Are you real? I am a boy. You are a Slayer. And that," Aidan pointed to Riley, who was making a Boy Scout model log cabin, "is a spud. This is really wrong, and you smell like crap."  
  
"Vanilla."  
  
"Crap."  
  
"Listen, whatever you are, I smell like Vanilla, I am with Riley, we are incredibly happy. Now go or I'll slay you and get all juicy for Riley sex." Buffy swished her hips, and Poly decided action was necessary.  
  
"Ok, listen crazy lady, and I use that term literally, I have been following you and your friends through this warped universe for a while, and while it seems nice, it sucks ass too. Now come on, we have to go to your home."  
  
"But my mom, she'll be worried about me-"  
  
"Your mom? God. Damn. It."  
  
  
  
"I love you, Willow Rosenberg."  
  
"I love you, Oz, for all that you have done for me. And I love Jesus, for dying for us so that we could kill vampires. Ahhh…."  
  
"Yeah, he was cool." Oz kissed his longtime girlfriend passionately with passion. Yes, passion was in the air. Something else was, too.  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" Aidan burst through the door, dragging the vanilla flavored slayer behind him.  
  
"Oh my God! A demon, and its got Buffy!" Xander ran at Poly, stabbing him repeatedly with a kitchen knife, his pants around his ankles.  
  
"Nice work, dipshit. Now back off."  
  
"How did you-" Poly knocked Skinny!Xander into the living room.  
  
"Its ok, Zander. I tried before. He explained that he is outside our reality somehow, and while he can affect ours, we can't affect his. Is that right?"  
  
"Yes. That was boring and exposition-y. Leave that to Xander. With a 'X', not 'Z', dumb ass. Now where's Willow?" Poly looked up the stairs, then began to climb.  
  
"Now's our chance for escape!" Xander stood up and crept toward the door.  
  
"Um, stupid," Aidan said when Xander opened the front door and revealed Poly, "did you not hear Buffy's exposition?" Xander shut the door and Aiden continued his assent of the stairs, where Joyce met him, a cup of tea in hand. "Hi."  
  
"Hi. Are you one of Buffy's friends?"  
  
"Actually, I may be closer to Dawn's age by a month or two."  
  
"Dawn?" Joyce cocked (tee-hee!) her head at this statement. "Who's Dawn? Is she the new slayer who is Giles' niece who was actually studying to be a watcher when she was called, and also happens to be part demon through a spell cast on her as she became the slayer?" A long pause followed.  
  
"No."  
  
"What?" Poly touched Joyce's head and she disappeared. A shockwave swept across Poly and went through the house and all through Sunnydale. Willow, still enraptured and enwrapped in Oz, ran to the door of her room and swung it open, revealing Poly.  
  
"Who are you? I'll get my computer and go look up information on you!" Willow ran to her computer, knocking the naked Oz down to the ground.  
  
"Hi Willow. Hello, little man." Poly reached down and touched Oz's forehead, and he disappeared, sending shockwaves, blablabla remember cakes.  
  
"What did you do to- wait. I'll use witchcraft!" Willow threw up her hands, but a simple touch to her forehead and the same thing yadda-yadda. "I- who are you?"  
  
"Your savior from boredom. Downstairs, now." In an instant, or less, they were downstairs, Giles, Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, and Willow. "Hi, do you know why you've been called here?"  
  
"To listen to you explain why you're trying to ruin our lives?" Cordelia snapped.  
  
"Oh yeah, forgot about you. No more snark for you dear." Poly tapped Cordelia's angry forehead and she, yeah, that.  
  
"Why in the world- why are you trying to hurt us?" Buffy cried.  
  
"Because this isn't fun, or exiting, or interesting. Its may be what some of you think, or some others think, is right for you. But it is wrong. Stop it. You need to be yourselves."  
  
"This is preposterous!" Giles stood up.  
  
"Damn, how do I miss you people?" Poly tapped Giles's dashing forehead and he disappeared. "And by the way…Anya's here" Poly waved his arm and Anya appeared, weeping openly over her canceled wedding, "Tara's here," Tara poofed into being, wearing jeans and a Powerpuff- no, too normal, an indigo peasant blouse and a long, thick velvet and lace azure skirt, "and you have Spike," Spike's naked form appeared in the living room, "with clothes on," Spike pouted as leather appeared on his legs, and a wife be- Uh-uh, a red dress shirt, slightly unbuttoned, "and last and least, Dawn" Dawn popped into the room in a whirl of hair. Poly stretched and walked toward the door, calling behind him, "Now have fun. Someone has to."  
  
"Xander! You bastard!"  
  
"Willow, I'm not sure if I can accept you in love right now."  
  
"Lets go shag, and maybe you can help me kill them."  
  
"Not me! Pay attention to me! People are talking and their words do not include 'Dawn'! I am angry! I am lonely! I can't stand it!" With that Xander gained twenty pounds, Willow took a swig of a twenty-ounce bottle of water, Buffy lost twenty pounds, and she began to seriously consider burning the whole house to the ground.  
  
Poly skipped along the lane, a song in his heart.  
  
"Why have you cursed me!" Buffy screamed through tears as she wept in her bedroom, "Why?" Tara held her friend tight as she also looked for the purpose of this. He had brought her back, but Dawn was with the package. Icky poo.  
  
"Perhaps I have been to hard on them," Aidan snapped his fingers as he walked, "There, that is better." Inside the Summers' home, a rejoicing occurred.  
  
"Clem! You're here! Yay!" They all shouted.  
  
"Aww, you guys."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The end. Awww…  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Characters Not mine. 


End file.
